Ok, been very busy with a past lives regression class all weekend so I am a bit behind.
I found however, even in my class filled with mostly open minded women, I still get stuck in the old ways of keeping to myself, unable to reach out with a smile as easily as I would prefer. Sad but true. But when I opened my self up and sat with the "energy" of smiling and extending myself gently, I felt so calm, so at peace. Last entry I discussed the feeling of power and the altered dimensions when I finally stopped and gazed around in a store or wherever I was around people. I encounter that still, it is the calm state of appreciation of the moment. Feeling the air silently around me, I can sense the density of space between each person. If I smile or not it doesn't matter, it's the stopping and being quiet that does. It is perfect and normal when I tune in. I am very conscious of colors and shapes incase they are influencing my judgement, I don't want to say something is doing this or that when it's only my view of a color's density. I notice the energy is tight around those who are focused and big, thick, and swishy around those that look at me. As I do my meditations on all this for the last few weeks, I find more and more information coming into my awareness either from spirit guides or intuition or maybe just my imagination. Either way it's a new wonderful sense of expansion not only for me but for the world. What I get is that is the dimensions are around us but we are only aware a few 1,2,and 3-D, possibly 4 for those extra sensitive. What I have been told (in these meditations), is that it's about math, the earth's core and a cone shape is related to our growth somehow. I have read some sacred geometry things and it seems to fit with what I know about the Kabbalah. The images are matched exactly, but it is very close. Time is not real, we make it up to keep ourselves sane. So these dimensions are not necessarily related to time at all in the way we know it. The universe is made up of energies that move and travel to us and away from us but in a way we can't yet conceive of. That is what I am seeing and feeling anyway. So much started with just my little Smile Me Experiment! Thank God I listened and challenged myself to do it. I am so interested to see where else this takes me.
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It is me who is receiving the greatest benefit from this experiment. I feel more energized as I walk around. I have acquired a new level of awareness of the world around me. Through my intention of smiling as much as possible and engaging to all those willing, I believe I have opened up some new pathways in my brain, changing some beliefs about myself. Just like hypnotic suggestion changes how we see ourself to release unhealthy habits! I can easily gaze around a store or wherever I am and imagine I am something like camera, still and objective without emotion. I feel calm and somewhat powerful in my understanding of the human animal. I no longer pull away at the thought of another's glance. It's beautifully simple.
Early on I assumed I had to engage others with my smile to see results to share in this blog. Although I still do that, a change has happened within my experience. Not only am I reinforcing my own determination to smile and be mindful of daily moments, I have found an unexpected result. I have a new "knowing" of some permanent, energetic, bubble world that floats like humid air that isn't sticky, it seems to fill the space. Like if we entered a room with no windows or air movement. I am educated about Chakras and subtle energy, but this is something out of my body, in the community space, between people. Sometimes filling the whole area. As we walk, it changes shape and thickness, penetrating and surrounding each one of us as we move in and out of it. It's funny, but it gives me such a sense of peace and calm. This experiment has given me a glimpse into what it may feel like in another dimension. That may sound crazy but when I look around silently, among others who don't notice, it's as if I am simultaneously in my body and in the space of the store. My energy is expanding as if I am flowing into every molecule of air. This is only for a split second, it doesn't last long. It is almost like flying, that is the only way to describe it. 13 days and counting... The full moon in Cancer on day 9 had me hopeful for lots of happy family moments. Not so much. I found people very excitable however, a water sign full moon will do that. Even at my home, I was excitable but not necessarily eager to spread the joy of my smile.
I am really enjoying this challenge and how I am changing my views. As stated earlier, I always thought it was me who was the one who didn't engage others but the more I am doing this, I see it's an epidemic of non-engagement. I feel like I am on the front lines of war on human civility. Perhaps in a small town where many people already know one another and stop to say hello, offering a smile isn't so random. But here in the transient state of Arizona, they are polite, but indifferent. Maybe I am mistaking indifference for a fear of having to open up and engage with a stranger. Either way, I see it as my opportunity, at least for the next couple weeks that I can be a tiny of smily as a reminder of our wonderful, light filled highest selves. This is empowering me and building up my muscles to continue even after the month is done. It feels really nice. End of first week, day 6-7: Moon in Gemini to Cancer. (likely for communication, interactions, social stuff) Easy to forget what I am doing, I keep falling into old habits of looking down, not paying attention to people around me. Making the effort to engage those around me is a new muscle. It has became a game of sorts to guess who will respond to my intention. I see a woman, about my age, thinking she will be more likely to look up or turn around. I try to will it to happen with my mind. Not more than a couple respond, except of course employees. I think they avoid my glance. I find it satisfying in a weird way that I thought I was the only person to avoid glances. Makes me feel part of involuntary club, a bit like high school. One new observation I am enjoying is getting a specific look from people I have begun to recognize. It's from those who don't expect it and let themselves just relax as they smile at me. I can see relief on their face. It's beautiful and peaceful look. Like an "ahhh, this is a nice moment with you, right now" look. Very cool.
Day 4 and 5: Moon in Taurus. I wore brighter orange to the gym, no difference, not one smile in the gym except for one older lady who was thinking about it and looked down. I guess everyone really is focused and protecting themselves, just like I usually am but I thought it was just me! Having to use my intention so consciously to be open and receptive is work but I am hoping it gets easier with time and more like a normal way of being. I wonder if others feel like I am an energy bully. Grocery store was more people looking down at their cart and the shelf. I am seeing alot of unhappy people out there. Or maybe it's just the places I go.
Consciously searching for eye contact is draining. And I have to remind myself to smile when I go through my day. I started this and I have to finish it. Day 1, I was home with the family, not too many changes or perceptions there.
Day 2: Moon in Aries (so more energy and "me" vibe) Early, Post office, 2 men smiled at me before I could so that was easy. Mutual. The gym was fascinating, I wore all black clothes and found NOT one person made eye contact inside the gym. I was on the treadmill for an hour and scanned the whole time. Although 3 staff members were happy to return my smile and interestingly, 4 women in the locker room who I encountered, lit up when they smiled back at me. I may have said hello too. My theory is they felt safer. Everyone seemed to be protecting themselves in the co-ed environment. I know as a woman, we can be wary of unfamiliar men, so that may have something to do with it, but the men were closed off too. Night class with mostly women in a school for sensitive types and they were very open and happy to say hello and smile. Was wearing bright, simple clothing, nothing too feminine. Not much different as previous class experience. I did notice however, during a group exercise, I was turned to for the answers, but that could be my age as I am older than some students. Day 3: Concentrating again so I don't forget as I buildings. Had a phenomenal interaction with female aquantance, a sensitive type so she could pick up on my positive intentions. Felt much happier about the entire day. Relationships seemed easier at home. Smile Me Experiment I have not been a person who smiles easily. When I was young, it seemed that all the adults in my life were always reminding me to "Smile Diane", "Don't be so serious Diane", "Don't look so sad Diane". Each time I heard those comments I became even more self conscious, wanting to hide my face so I wouldn't have to deal with family members judging my moods or lack of humor on my face. But I genuinely didn't feel sad or even noticed that I was not looking cheerful. It made me angry that it seemed so necessary to everyone else's happiness. I was shy, nervous and the intimacy of eye contact was scary. I made the decision to let my smiles happen naturally. It was their problem, not mine. I didn't need anymore pressure.
As a mid life adult, I have considered my behavior and how it affects others and the example I set for my children. I know that eye contact is healthy. I fought the impulse to adjust my facial expressions over the years and accepted my nature as neither giddy or serious. I saw myself as the thoughtful type, happy to smile and laugh when the situation called for it and when I am at ease. Over the last 10 or 15 years, I began to notice how differently those around me acted when when I wore softer, flowery fabrics versus darker, simple clothing. When I was looking around, instead of concentrating on a task, encounters with others seemed to be friendlier and more likely turn into conversation, minor irritations were resolved easily. This would happen randomly and I couldn't figure out if it was my appearance, facial expression, their attitude, my attitude, some psychic connection or an astrological aspect. Why people were more likely to interact and have a positive reaction around me was a mystery but when it happened, it always felt good. I enjoyed my day more and felt happier about life and my place in it. I would want to experience more of that feeling but get distracted with life and proceed at light speed to my next task. SMILE ME Experiment: (Very unscientific) For the 31 days of January, one of the darkest months of the year, my plan is to smile at anyone that catches my eye. The thought of this is anxiety provoking. All the glances I have always avoided, will now be met and returned with a smile. At the gym, the grocery store, school, gas station ( yikes!) and wherever I go. I won't be in a constant grin, "because that's creepy" my husband said and I agree. I hope to determine if the simple act of smiling is really something that could change my attitudes, relationships and those around me. This is meant to be a fun experiment for me and human nature. I will record perceptions, number of smiles, reactions, conversations, any notable changes, every few days. I am interested in what is exchanged with others as we move in energetic space? I know we affect one another subtly as physical beings and on the soul level. Physically speaking, humans are animals after all and we are always looking to avoid what may hurt us. By smiling, I pose no threat, allowing for a possible friendly attachment, thus protection from others who could threaten. But on the deeper level, I believe our soul produces a subtle light energy, besides other things. When two soul's encounter one another and respond to some mutually positive experience, it generates an energetic expansive light which is greater than the sum of the two. It is perceived subtly and is sensed by other human souls nearby. We are reminded of the connection to spirit subconsciously and naturally feel peace. This seems to me the greatest benefit for increase of positive interactions. |
Diane Fales
A fiercely spiritual, creative healer guiding you to the freedom and the joy you always imagined your life could be. Archives
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