Your Inner Child is you, the "self" that is held in your body and subconscious. They carry your experiences, feelings and memories. They also hold onto your beliefs about life that you have determined are correct and true for you not only as a child but also now as an adult. Sub-consciously your behavior is triggered by beliefs of your Inner Child self and your adult self is very much at it's command whether you realize it or not. This is why we repeat and repeat patterns that we want to change such as smoking, eating too much, unhealthy relationships, fear based thoughts, compulsive behaviors, etc. and it feels as if we have no control to change them. Even when the conscious mind understands logically about unhealthy actions and you attempt to use the will power of your mind, your beliefs are deeply set within the Inner Child, in the cells and tissues of the body and must be adjusted to create long-term change.
If those beliefs about life are determined by this "child self" how is it possible to feel like you do have choices or any control to change?
During my recovery work in Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA), I have seen how Inner Child exercises can be very effective at releasing buried emotions and those frozen feelings held in the body which keep us disconnected to what's happening now in our bodies. Childhood traumas, from any sort of physical, emotional, sexual abuse, and neglect can create a dynamic for the Inner child to protect itself at the deepest core levels. PTSD is another possible result of such trauma. As children if you were told who we were and what you said didn't matter, you became invisible.
So how can we express our needs if we don't exist or if we did exist, speaking up would get us punished or ridiculed?
In her book, Recovery of Your Inner Child, Dr. Lucia Capicchione shares many exercises to meet the Inner Child and how to get to know them and to let go of the trauma that has been experienced. This allows the adult you to re-parent and protect this little child self within so they feel comfortable to express joy, feel safe, be true to their desires and feelings, and especially feel the love they deserve. Although these exercises are profoundly helpful, they may cause some to feel overwhelmed and trigger old feelings that have long been buried. I suggest that you consider seeking out counseling if you feel unable to cope with emerging emotions.
Choose a Healing Practitioner who not only has experience with Inner Child work but who also has done their own self-healing. All practitioners, regardless of their education have a desire to help others but unfortunately can act in unhealthy ways that fill their unmet needs which can damage the client and their delicate trust if not careful. Boundary issues come up often for this client/practitioner relationship, especially those with co-dependency issues such as adult children of alcoholics. Watch out for those Practitioners who make demands that make you feel uncomfortable. Remember your Inner Child must feel safe and protected so they are free to share their feelings. As the adult, make sure the person you ask to guide you through this process is reliable. If you start to question the methods, ask your Inner Child if this is ok with them and you will have the right answer.
In a previous blog, I shared an exercise where you met your Inner Child and drew a picture of them. I hope you found it helpful to begin the process of becoming reacquainted with the wonderful Inner Child who is always ready to heard.
Now that you have an image of your Inner Child self, it's a simply a matter of listening and trusting what you hear, see and feel as you ask questions. Remember, you use your dominant hand as the Adult (you) and your Inner Child responds with the NON-DOMINANT hand. It will look messy and childlike but that's perfect. Make sure you set aside time when you won't be disturbed.
- Gather some paper and writing utensils. Sometimes it feels good to use crayons, markers or whatever you enjoy to get into the space that children play and think. I love bright colors so it's fun for me to use markers or colored pencils, which adds to my relaxed state.
- Take in some nice deep breaths and close your eyes, and enjoy this moment of peace and calm. Taking this time is important for your well being emotionally, physically and spiritually. With each exhale, imagine that you are blowing out adult worries and with each inhale you are getting closer to your Inner Child self that sits in your heart space.
- Visualize in your mind's eye that special place that you and your Inner Child meet. It could be out in nature near water, trees or mountains or even in a cozy room.
- Trust any image or FEELING that comes up. Let go of control if it feels awkward or silly. As you take your time and relax it should flow easier. Always stay positive and express love and gratitude for them and yourself. It may feel right to draw a picture of them first.
- Start the conversation with whatever feels right to you. Sometimes it's simply, "Hello, what is your name?" Write questions with your DOMINANT hand and the child will respond as you answer with your NON-DOMINANT hand.
- Other possible questions:
- How old are you?
- What is your favorite thing to do?
- Where do you live? (And then draw that if you like)
- What makes you happy or sad?
- What do you need?
- Who takes care of you? Do you feel safe?
- What could I do for you as an adult?
- What are you afraid of?
- Do you feel loved? How can I help you feel loved?
- What do want me to do for fun?
7. As you ask questions, you may find you will get the answer before you even finish the question. Take the time to write out the answer since that is part of the process of understanding their needs and sometimes more may be added as you write.
8. Also, the conversation can go in any direction they or you need. Trust and let go of preconceived plans, as it is possibly the Critical Adult within you. What are they trying to say to you? Listen carefully to the responses.
After you are finished with your conversation, make sure to thank your Inner Child, give them a hug and ask if there is anything else you may need to understand?
At this point, it is a good idea to write out any new perceptions or reactions to the information that you received. How can you bring those perceptions into your present life as an adult? Is your inner critical parent filling you with doubt?
Remember you may return to visit them at any time for understanding and reconnecting to the body and your FEELING senses. Your awareness of the beliefs and desires of your Inner Child can be part of your decision making process as the adult you.
Many times our little self just wants to be heard and feel loved and by doing these exercises, it opens up your life to being more authentic. You release those beliefs that are based on childhood fears or decisions and you become aligned with your soul's desires.
Diane Fales is a board certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Astrologer, Life Coach, Intuitive and Artist. She offers a complimentary initial consultation is available for appointments at 480-242-4922
or email: Diane@azhealingarts.com