Start immediately
Do it flamboyantly
No exceptions
William James
"Why aren't we all empowered, happy, wealthy, healthy and successful? The truth is that even in the information age, information is not enough. If all we needed were ideas and positive thinking, then we all would have had ponies when we were kids and we would all be living our dream life now.
Action is what unites every great success. Action is what produces results. Knowledge is only potential power until it comes into the hands of someone who knows how to get himself to take effective action."
Anthony Robbins
In Harriet Lerner's Fear and Other Uninvited Guests she uses multiple examples of folks who missed their potential greatness due to fear and the avoidance of uncomfortable emotions. To become fully authentic we need to "experiment with new behaviors that might evoke fear and shame… Courage requires us to face such uninvited guests, because they predictably show up with new territory. The effort to avoid discomfiting emotions drains our courage."2
Courage comes in all shapes and sizes. Long-term anxiety and shame of about who you are is formed in childhood. Doing anything out of your comfort zone brings up all sorts of restrictive fears but also provides the doorway towards living authentically. One person who stands up in a meeting to speak her mind against the group consensus is courageous. Being out of school for 30 years and signing up for a class is courageous. Admitting to a mistake that could cost you money or evoke shame is courageous.
Remember you are not alone. Everyday each of us is making decisions whether we want to be authentic, express our needs, show our 'ugliest' selves and face our greatest fears. For some it's easy but for most of us, this is hard. But if you get nothing from this article I hope you get this,
Take a risk, act and allow the anxiety and physical symptoms to happen. That is the way through fear to courage.
People DO give us shame, and they may give generously both at the office and at home…..Courage in contrast , comes from inside. It goes into hiding when we learn from experience that it is not safe to think, see, speak and act authentically. If we are intentional about finding the places and people that inspire and empower us, we will remember that WE CAN ACT COURAGEOUSLY--- a challenge that is at the heart of who we are in the world and what kind of world this is." 2
Dr. Lerner discusses the importance of taking action as part of the process of conquering fears. She offers these specific steps.
Action is powerful: Sometimes you can move past a fear quickly if you are willing to act. When you avoid what you fear, your anxieties are apt to worsen over time.
Succeed by failing: If you fear rejection, you may indeed need to accumulate more experience getting snubbed. This applies not just to asking someone for a date, but also to making sales calls, trying to get an article published, or approaching new people at a party.
Risk feeling ridiculous: Most people feel deeply ashamed at the very idea of appearing foolish and shy away from taking healthy risks to avoid that possibility. (She talks about having her client repeated ask out women so he could desensitize himself to rejection. It ended up being tedious and not nearly as uncomfortable as he expected).
Invite Fear in: When you anticipate a guest coming to visit, you are more prepared for whatever happens. Almost all treatments and strategies that help people with fear involve inviting fear in.
Motivation matters: If you are not at least a 6 or 7 on that 1-10 motivation scale, you may need to be in more pain about the status quo before you are willing to act. At the very least, you need to deeply feel the negative consequences of NOT acting.
Heres good news. Fearful thoughts trigger the nervous system to release the adrenaline. That natural energy propels performers and public speakers onto the stage and keeps them focused. Nervousness is a positive thing. I was paralyzed by fears of public speaking since I was a child. I would even feel super nervous when talking to a group of third graders, (8 year olds!) for the first time. To this day I get the nervous sweats and shaky voice when I speak to groups or chair meetings many years later. I accept the garbled words and forgetfulness as a trail blazing hazard. By not resisting the physical reactions these little companions are neutralized and have no power over me.
Real world suggestions
This scene always gets me feeling courageous. Watch Kenneth Branagh's stellar performance in Henry V and his St. Crispins Day speech and it should motivate anyone. | Learn about courageous people: Stories of courage can be inspirational. I have heard of people who flip their lives upside down because they watch a child's courageous battle against cancer which inspires them to join a cause to fight the disease. There people doing the right and moral thing by blowing the whistle on greed and corruption in big business. These other people may have been just as afraid as you but somehow their passions ignited their inner lion and the discomfort became a memory. |
Embrace this Divine power, feel the wave as it flows through you and be courageous!
It is not the critic that counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcomings, who does actually try to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.
Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that know neither victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt
Diane Fales is a board certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Artist, Astrologer and Spiritual Coach.
2 Lerner, Harriet Goldhor. Fear and Other Uninvited Guests: Tackling the Anxiety, Fear, and Shame That Keep Us from Optimal Living and Loving. New York: HarperCollins, 2004. Print.
3 Myss, Caroline M. Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing. New York: Harmony, 1996. Print.